Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
