why didn't you poke me back
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize