Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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