One girl and one boy is just not enough.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
