Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
