I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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