Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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