theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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