Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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