I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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