maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
