I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
