I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
