we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
