I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
