did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
