i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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