Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
