Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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