Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
please don't ironically join a cult
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