Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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