and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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