this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize