If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
