I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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