Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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