You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
