Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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