i was born a porn star she said
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
