I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
