You can't motorboat a personality
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize