I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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