"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
