dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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