I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
