I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm just crazy horny about you
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
