She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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