can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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