the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
