he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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