I am in a vortex of obligation.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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