I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I will pee on everything he values.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize