So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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