1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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