Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
