Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
