I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
