i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
