He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
