suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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