my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I came so hard my ears popped.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
