Heybabeimwearingurpanties
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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