You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
