He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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