Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
