But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
