i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the day after is always just damage control
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize