remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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