wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
