Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
