Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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