Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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