She's JV to your varsity
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Randomize
