we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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