How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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