i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
