Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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