and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
