Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
