just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize