Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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