forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
