She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
