Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
