We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
